22.5.14

Seventeen weeks.

Last week, I finished my second year at university, and I am not quite sure how I feel about that. In seventeen weeks time, I will be a fully fledged third year, and that means dissertation, dissertation, dissertation. If I'm being completely honest though, it's not the dissertation I am worried about, it's what comes after. I'll have to be an adult, do adult things, and actually decide what I want to do with my life. I know I want to do a post grad, but at the same time, I don't know if that is because I genuinely want to do it, or if it's because being at university, having classes to go to, and work to do, offers structure, and my mind completely turns to mush without structure.

The next seventeen weeks are going to be pure hell for my mind, simply because there is nothing I HAVE to do. I recently posted on Facebook, that as much as I am insanely happy about the time off over the summer, that same time off will happily drive me insane. The six week break we used to have off for summer at school drove me nuts, the twelve weeks I had of last summer made me crazy, but these seventeen weeks are going to drive me insane.

I actually wish the summer holidays were optional, because I would gladly opt out of them. I finished uni a week ago, and I can already feel my brain deteriorating. It makes me wonder how all these kids that drop out of school at sixteen and proceed to do nothing, manage to cope with their lives. The thought of seventeen weeks without even a basic form of structure is making me panic. This morning, I reorganised my DVD's into age and alphabetical order. I always organise them this way anyway, but my brain needed something to do. I have also organised my drawers, and as I am writing this, I am planning on how to organise my wardrobe. Dresses on the left or right? Jumpers on the top shelf, or bottom? and where should I put my shoes?

I need to find some form of structure. I need things to do. I need something to stop me from going insane. Maybe I'm already insane.

Seventeen weeks is a long time.

Peace out xoxo

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